Imperfect Gifts
We got some bad news about little John. He has Down’s Syndrome. That is a bit of a shock. Lots of my hopes and dreams for him revolved around some sort of academic achievement. I guess my ability to learn and analyze has been the source of much of my identity. It is one of the few areas in which I excel. So imagining my son not having such abilities is hard. On one level I know humans have dignity from just being human and they don’t need to accomplish anything. But do I really believe that. Processing this news has caused me to struggle with this.
From a worldly perspective having a sixth child was just a crazy idea. Now how are people going to react? People who were wondering if I was ruining my life before are now sure. Why did I have to push my luck? I can understand their thinking. We were happy with our five children. Accepting a sixth child was a hard decision. Does this mean it was a mistake? Can’t be. That would mean God made the mistake.
John is a blessing. He will make our family better. That does not mean there won’t be struggles. But every child brings that. In fact, every child is an imperfect gift. Normally we learn about the imperfections one at a time. Many of our hopes and dreams for our children die along the way. That is as it should be. God always has different plans for our children than we do. We need to trust that His plans are better. The trouble with a diagnosis like this is you have to adjust your plans so much so quickly. The second problem is really believing God’s plans are better than yours.
God wants to challenge me, my family, and our world to really believe that all human life is a precious gift. Every person is in the image of God and loving that person can connect me with God. I love my children and I am very proud of them. It is not hard to see why. They excel in so many ways. But is that really why? There is more to it. If you take away the things this culture loves about them then I am still proud of them. Maybe John will make that clear. Maybe some people somewhere need to have that made clear. Maybe one of those people is me.
Just ran into a quote from Fr Neuhaus that seemed to fit:
We contend, and we contend relentlessly, for the dignity of the human person, of every human person, created in the image and likeness of God, destined from eternity for eternity—every human person, no matter how weak or how strong, no matter how young or how old, no matter how productive or how burdensome, no matter how welcome or how inconvenient. Nobody is a nobody; nobody is unwanted. All are wanted by God, and therefore to be respected, protected, and cherished by us.
Wow, that is big news; may our Lord bless y’all even more.
My wife and I have been considering adoption and reading stories of families who have adopted, including those who adopted Downs children–what an inspiration those families have been to us! God has a plan for John, and no doubt it is beautiful, just as you said.
July 15th, 2008 at 7:22 pmHi Randy,
that quote from Father Neuhaus gave me goosebumps and I think this post of yours is your best to date. Right from the gut of a Dad in love with his new kid. Gave me the ‘ol lump in the throat thing don’t you know?
I can only imagine all the hugs and kisses little John is going to get from his older siblings just because he is, well, little John. You are all fortunate to have him and he is definitely fortunate to be with the Gritters. Who else should he be anyways, but a Gritter? It’s a perfect fit.
July 19th, 2008 at 10:55 pmRandy,
That’s heavy . . .
I greatly respect you for your attitude and honesty; and your love for John and acceptance of him is a great testimony.
This is one area where Evangelicals and RCs agree.
May the Lord give you and your wife strength.
July 25th, 2008 at 8:09 pmSincerely,
Ken Temple
That is a beautiful post with a great quote at the end. I didn’t know your son had Downs. He’s blessed to be one of the minority of such children who are allowed to live… God bless you and your whole family. Now your later post about the parable of the talents takes on more meaning.
November 24th, 2008 at 11:50 pm